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That's a quote from Criminal Minds' Dr. Spencer Reid.

Was it last Monday, when I was walking down Roces Street, to the jeepney stop, when I passed by this babeng grasa lying on the grass along the pavement? She was half-asleep I think. smiling, somewhere in a far-off dreamland. Dreaming of something sweet, happy, far from reality.

And I thought, several paces from the madwoman, how sad that I have become immune to such sight. how despicable that I have not even felt the slightest pity, or urge to call the SSB, the university police, so that someone may help her.

I just felt an overwhelming sadness.

That I have become numb. with no compassion.
Sadness and a gnawing feeling that what separates me from her is just a thread's width of sanity.
How in another circumstance that smiling sleeping woman could be me, or someone I know.

I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.
But more than that, I know what it's like to be a victim of your own self doubt.

------

Just now I remember another nameless taong grasa, who prowled the sidewalks of the Circle. I think she found a blue shoulder bag, from somewhere. She put it on her shoulders, smiled at the bag, and suddenly her hips had a sudden sway, her hands had more panache, as it swept a stray lock off her face...as if the bag had some secret well of femininity that gave its wearer a fleeting benefit of womanhood.

And I felt sad. That again what thin line separates madness from genius.

-----

And Ted Failon.
Seeing him makes me realize we really can't claim to be insulated from the harshness of this world. No amount of money, cars, stocks and bonds, high education, fame or power can make us immune to the travesties of this world.

Sad.
Sadness can envelope you even in the happiest of celebrations.
Isolation can be your bosom buddy even in the heart of a crowd.
And failure can occur to you in the news of passing.

Am I an ingrate? Do I deserve this thing that others would kill for?
Am i thankful enough? Am  I running away from my own destiny?

I.am.just.terribly.confused.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
sinister_vision
Apr. 22nd, 2009 06:07 pm (UTC)
One cannot be deeply responsive to the world without being saddened very often.
sticky_keynes
May. 2nd, 2009 06:27 am (UTC)
maybe you should take a time off, reflect on the state of things, and recollect yourself. mahirap ma-burn out. wag ka mag-alala alpha, things will turn out fine. *hugs*
amianan_a_raya
May. 2nd, 2009 11:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks :)
hi ausie, hi feliz, :)

Thanks guys for your concern. I actually did some thinking during the oath taking week, and i decided i can't take litigation or any of the conventional law practice anymore.
I will carve out a path all of my own, even if it's difficult. I have a plan na, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Even excited. I will write about it in a blog post when i finally have the time. kasi I'm starting work on Monday. :)
Hay. Thank God naliwanagan ang isip ko...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )